


Truly Dying

by syredronning



Series: bridge2sickbay [42]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dark, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22072126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syredronning/pseuds/syredronning
Summary: Kirk knows he shouldn't obsess about something that happened in another timeline.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock Prime
Series: bridge2sickbay [42]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542673
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Truly Dying

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge drabble written for bridge2sickbay in 2009, rescued from Livejournal. All errors are mine.

Kirk knows he shouldn't obsess about something that happened in another timeline. He shouldn't, it's useless and pointless and doesn't change a fucking thing in this timeline. Or if it changes anything, it mostly damages the good things he has here, like Bones at his side. Bones, who's given him a more than explicit piece of his mind regarding mind melds and Vulcans who couldn't keep their thoughts to themselves.

Kirk couldn't stop thinking about the old Spock's words anyway, and even as he manages to stop giving them too many thoughts during the day, in the night, his subconscious takes over and all the things he wants since forever find an outlet in his dreams, dad-mom-sam-family.

When he can't stand it anymore, he takes two weeks off and flies to New Vulcan. It breaks his heart, the way Bones shows him off in the transporter bay, because Kirk knows that Bones' snappish words barely manage to cover the anger and hurt that really reign in the heart of his lover and friend. Kirk leaves anyway, alone.

"I cannot give you what you need," are the first words Spock speaks to him.

As if any Spock in any universe is a match to Jim Kirk.

It takes three days to have Spock agree into more mind melds. Kirk takes every moment he gets offered, and then some, paying it back a little by sharing his own, much shorter life. Mostly he's like a sponge, reveling in all the things he sees in Spock's mind, all the adventures they share, the good moments and the heartbreaks. He laughs and smiles, and he weeps over a dead friend and his own death. He takes everything he can get.

"Only one more," he says on the last day. "Only one more," Spock agrees.

*

Just one last meld, and it's enough for Spock to erase every single memory he'd surrendered, every thing he'd ever shared about Kirk's past and family. In the end, all that is left is one young James T. Kirk, who never knew his father and barely saw his mother and had not yet to bury his best friend.

"Thank you," McCoy says as they come to pick up the sedated captain.

"He would hate me, if he knew," Spock says.

"He would, but I won't be the one to tell him," McCoy states. "Are you alright, Sir?" he asks Spock, unusually gently.

"All is well with me, doctor. I am pleased I could help the captain one last time."

Spock watches them leave, the only man to whom he'd ever have entrusted his memories being carried away with not a trace of the knowledge he'd given him.

So this means truly dying.


End file.
